Sometimes happy, sometimes sad
by stelenaklaroline
Summary: A few years after they returned from Neverland, Emma and Killian finally seemed to get their happy ending. Expecting a child, living in their own loft, being madly in love. Until a shocking diagnosis, rips their happy ending apart. Killian has cancer and the doctor gives him one more year, at best. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS
1. Chapter 1

It's only been a couple of years, since they returned from Neverland. Since then, so much has changed but slowly things started to fall into place. All this time ago, Killian had been right. Eventually, Emma did have to make a choice. Though it had never felt like there was something to choose. Yes, she had loved Neal but after all this time without her even noticing it, a certain pirate had fought his way through her walls, waking her up from the "curse" Neal had put her under. Once they had been back in Storybrooke and Emma had spent more and more time with Killian there came the time when she accepted, that she couldn't imagine a life without him anymore.

* * *

Back in the now, Emma walked towards Storybrooke a bright smile on her face. Lately, Emma had been noticed a few changes about her. Throwing up, feeling ill all the time, being extremely moody. After a visit at the hospital she got the diagnosis. Pregnant, 8th week. Emma couldn't exactly say that it was planned but once she had heard about herself being pregnant, she couldn't help but notice a strange feeling in her stomach, like butterflies flying around. She couldn't wait to tell Henry, her parents but especially Killian. A giggle escaped her mouth before she went back to her serious Sheriff attitude. Their home was only a few feet away.

* * *

Meanwhile in the loft, Killian walked up and down the room. Eyes swollen and red, hand running across his face, through his hair. He felt panic but at the same time anger rising inside him. What did that even mean? He wasn't supposed to have this. He wasn't supposed to get this. He was supposed to get a happy ending. With Emma, the woman he loved, the love of his life. He was supposed to have a family, to live eternally ever after but a happy ending didn't seem to be on the menu.

Killian, too had paid doctor Whale a visit lately unfortunately he didn't get a joyful diagnosis. Quite the opposite actually. -It must be because of this land- he thought. –I'm not supposed to live here, in a land without magic.-

* * *

_"What is wrong with me, Whale?" Killian had asked him, worry on his face._

_"I'm so sorry, Hook." The doctor had answered, eyes sunken down. _

_"You have cancer."_

_He had felt an aching pain in his chest. He had no idea what that illness meant, but it sure as hell wasn't good._

_"How long?" Killian had asked, hands wrapped together, look on the floor._

_"A year, at best."_

* * *

Walking towards the bathroom, Killian opened the sink, throwing water against his face, he knew Emma would come home soon. Emma .. How on earth would he tell her? How on earth was he supposed to tell her, that he wouldn't even live to see Henry graduate, to build up a family with her, to marry her.

As the door opened, Killian felt another aching pain in his chest. Walking out of the bathroom, he saw her, bright smile on her lips.

"I have to tell you something." Clapping her hands together, she rose to the tips of her toes in excitement.

"Aye. I too have to tell you something." Killian didn't look at her.

"Me first." Emma said quickly, coming towards him. "I went to the hospital today .. Killian I- I'm pregnant."

His look shot up to look at her, eyes widening in shock? In joy? He didn't know. Suddenly he felt her arms hooking around his upper body, her head pressed against his chest. Pulling her close, the pirate kissed her onto her haid, tears streaming down his face.

"That's- That's wonderful, Emma. That's amazing." He pressed out.

Looking up to him, Emma had a warm smile on her face. "We're finally starting a family. Starting our happy ending."

"Aye." He nodded. "That we are."

* * *

**A/N: So I've had the idea for this fanfiction a while ago but then the thing with my grandpa, some of you might know he has cancer, happened and I just lost the interest in the idea but now .. yeah it just sort of happened and it's a short introduction chapter, tell me whether to continue or not.**


	2. Chapter 2

Killian had been awake all night. Thinking, caressing Emma's hair while she slept peacefully with her head on his chest. Spending the whole night thinking about his life and his happy ending, Killian decided to fight. Dr Whale had told him that there was a treatment called chemo therapy. He had also said, that it wasn't comfortable, that Killian would be very weak but it was worth a try. Dr Whale had told him that Killian had a very aggressive tumor in his head that was spreading very fast. They would try to operate on it first. Cut his skullcap open. Killian shivered at the thought of that. Yet he knew that the most difficult thing was still ahead of him. He had to tell Emma. Emma, his flame of light, who was now carrying his child. His child. He let a loud sigh escape his mouth. He was going to be a father, yet he wouldn't even live to see his child take its first step, say its first word, see its first smile, learn him or her how to be a pirate, how to sword fight, how to be a hero. He felt his eyes wetting again. Without noticing he pulled Emma closer to him, feeling the warmth of her body, sucking in her scent, which he loved so much. She smelled the best when she had no perfume on, her own personal scent. His Emma. Killian thought back to the time when they had climbed the bean stalk together, how he had always seen a light in her. A flame of hope, of faith. She was his candle and he was hers. But what would happen when the light of her candle simply went out? How was she supposed to find her happy ending when there was no flame of hope guiding her?

He was torn out of his thoughts when Killian felt her moving around in her arm. How late was it? 8:15am, time to get up.

"Good morning." He heard her whispering, as she snuggled herself into his chest.

Clearing his throat, Killian tried to pull himself together. "Morning, beautiful."

"MOM!" They heard Henry calling from the kitchen. "What are you two doing in there? I'm gonna be late for school."

Exhaling loudly, Emma jumped out of the bed, pouting at the loss of warmth. "Well, it's a good thing your teacher is also your grandmother then." Turning around to face Killian she continued in a softer voice: "You want some breakfast?"

Getting out of bed, Killian walked over to her. A few sunbeams fell onto her and from where he stood she looked like a flame of light. Again. Wrapping his arms around her, he brought his lips to hers. "You my dear, are the one who's needing breakfast. Don't forget you will have to eat for two from now on." Winking towards her stomach, a smirk appeared on his face.

Tilting her head she returned his smile, before walking through the door, into the kitchen.

Killian walked straight towards the bathroom, where he threw water in his face, like he always did when he was nervous. Looking onto his watch, he sighed. 8:30. Half an hour till he had an appointment with Whale to discuss the formalities. He had decided to head to Belle's straight after the meeting. He needed to talk to someone. Not just someone, to her. Belle, his best friend. Yes, they had a difficult past but just like I mentioned earlier, a lot has changed since they returned from Neverland.

Walking out of the bathroom, he grabbed his jeans and a shirt from the closet to throw it on before hasting into the kitchen. Emma handed him a cup of cocoa, which he thankfully accepted. No way that he would ever drink that horrible, bitter, black drink they called coffee again. He couldn't sleep for days.

"I'm headed to your father's love, I'll be back for dinner though." He quickly pressed his lips against her cheek before walking towards the door.

"Wait, wait." She called, running after him. "I haven't told them about the pregnancy yet .. I was hoping we could tell them tonight at dinner."

"Perfect."

"Perfect. Love you." She smirked, turning around to walk back to the breakfast table.

"Love you too." He answered and then he was gone.

* * *

"The operation will be extremely complicated. Even if we do succeed and are able to take out the tumor, there is still a very high possibility of you either not making it or being handicapped." Dr Whale spoke quietly, holding Killian's file in his hands.

"What, more handicapped than I already am?" He asked, waving his hook. He tried to overplay his fear with cockiness.

"Handicapped as in mentally damaged, as in not being able to walk, to talk, to eat. Of course these consequences aren't predictable but there's zero chance you won't be going out of this operation without some kind of damage."

Killian swallowed hard. "What if I refuse the treatment?"

"Then you won't live to see your kid being even born." Whale narrowed his eyes at him.

That's right. He knew about Emma being pregnant. Killian had to get used to the thought of Whale checking Emma's .. – He quickly shook his head.

"That would of course be very inconvenient." He raised his eyebrow, avoiding to look at the Doctor.

"I can get you an appointment next week."

"Next week?" His look shot up to meet Whales. Next week?!

"The sooner, the better." Whale nodded.

* * *

"Belle, I need to talk to you." Killian talked into the phone. He remembered when Emma had first given it to him, he thought she was completely out of her mind. Speaking to someone through some magic box? Not very pirate-ish. "Now. Meet me at Granny's in 5?"

* * *

"I have to talk to you." Killian said, looking down to his glass of bourbon.

"What is it?" Belle narrowed her eyes at him, trying to catch his look.

"I'm sick." He spilled after a little silence. "I have cancer."

Her eyes widened and Belle instantly grabbed his hand. "I- I- Killian I'm so sorry. How did Emma take it?"

"Not at all .. Yet." Another loud exhale. He felt bad for telling Belle before Emma but he needed to get this pressure off his chest.

"You haven't told her? Killian she deserves to-"

"She's pregnant." He interrupted her, still avoiding her judging look.

"Wh- What?"

"Emma. She's pregnant. We're expecting a child."

From the corner of his eyes he saw her covering her mouth with her hands. "This is not right. You shouldn't be having this. We are all supposed to get a happy ending." Her voice was more like a whisper and her eyes were filled up with tears.

"Well not in this land, it seems. In this land we are no fairy tale characters. We are real people, who can get real diseases." He mumbled, bringing his glass of bourbon to his lips.

"You will have to tell Emma, Killian. You know that, right?"

"I know. Just how will I do that?"

* * *

"Henry, lay the table. Mary Margaret and David will be here any minute." Emma pointed a finger at her son, while she hectically stirred the sauce.

She heard the door being unlocked and only blinks later looked into the sea blue eyes of her favorite pirate.

"Finally."

"Henry, would you mind leaving me and your mother for a second? I need to talk to her." Killian asked, polite smile on his face.

Nodding, Henry ran upstairs to his room and immediately Killian's expression darkened.

"What is wrong?" Emma asked, squinting her eyes.

"Emma, love. Sit down, would you?" He asked, pointing towards the chair.

"Killian what happened?" Emma's voice rose, ignoring his wish for her to sit down.

Biting his lip, he took a few deep breathes before he met her look.

"I'm sick, Ems." He felt a tear rolling down his cheek but didn't bother to wipe it away, knowing there were thousands more where that one had come from. "I am sick. Very sick. I have cancer and .. I won't have much longer than a year."

Frightened he waited for her reaction. Killian watched her face going from deep red, to purple, to blue to almost green-ish while she had an emotionless face expression.

What had he just said?

_Cancer. He has cancer. He is going to die. He is going to suffer. Badly. He is going to get hurt. I will have to live without him. Our child. Our child._

Millions of thoughts roamed her head, while she just stood still, unable to move, unable to speak.

"Emma .." He said quietly, taking a step towards him and instantly she took a step away from him.

She was terrified. Terrified that if he touched her, this would turn out to _not_ be a nightmare, because it had to be one. It had to be a terrible, terrible dream.

"Cancer?" She finally asked.

"Aye, love. A tumor inside my head." Biting his lip, he took another step towards her out of instincts. This time she did not back away.

"But-" Emma pressed out. "But there are treatments. So many people have cancer you don't – you won't .."

"Dr Whale gave me a year at best."

And with that he cupped her cheek. And by that action it proved to be reality. This was not a nightmare. This was the bitter, bitter reality.

Emma felt her eyes fill up with tears. Opening her mouth as if she was going to scream her face turned into an expression full of pain, while the tears now streamed down her face.

"But – Our child and .. No, Killian you can't – you can't –" She couldn't even say it. Feeling his arms wrap around her she tried to push him away from her.

"No, you can't leave me. I need you, please. Please don't leave me. Please stay with me. I wouldn't even know what to do without you. You can't- You can't leave me. You promised – You promised you wouldn't leave me." Emma cried out, accompanied by sobs as she curled her hand to fists and hit them against his chest, trying to release herself from his grip.

"Emma – Emma!" He shouted, trying to make her look at him. Raising her chin he looked deep into her eyes. It wasn't until now that Emma saw, he was crying as well.

"I promise I will do everything I can to try to defeat that demon inside my head. I promise, I will fight for you, for our child. I won't leave you."

His sea blue eyes were red and swollen; Emma had never seen him like fast as possible she pulled him back into a tight hug, pressing her body as tight to his as possible almost like in that way no one could take him away from her.

It was in that very moment that Emma noticed her parents lurking through the open front door of the loft. Emma quickly released herself from his from his hug, wiping her hands over her face.

"What happened?" Snow asked, eyes widened.

"Look, could you .. Could you guys come back later maybe? I- We need some time." Emma pressed out, giving everything not to break down in front of her parents.

"Emma if something is going on-"

"We'll come back later." David nodded towards Emma, pulling Snow around to walk out of the apartment.

* * *

"How- How long have you known?" Emma asked, sitting down on the couch.

"Couple of days."

"Couple of- Couple of days? And you are telling me that now?" Her eyes shot up to meet his, eyebrows rising.

"I've been waiting for the right moment, Emma. This is not something you just explain over breakfast." Killian opened his arms, shrugging.

Shaking her head lightly, Emma let a moment of silence pass before getting up from the couch to walk towards him. Taking his face in her hands, she stared deep into his sea blue eyes.

"No matter what happens, we will get through this okay?" Feeling her eyes wetting again, she continued: "You will get treatment and .. and you will be okay. We will be okay, Killian. I'm not gonna let some diseases take you away from me."

Another tear rolled down his cheek and he closed his eyes, an expression of pain in his face. Immediately he felt her arms wrapping around his upper body.

"Guys? What's going on?"

Emma turned around sharply when she saw her son standing on the stairs.

"Come on, Henry." She said, pointing towards the table. "We need to talk."

* * *

Only a few days later it was time for Killian to go to the hospital. The operation on his brain would be extremely difficult and there was a really high possibility of him being somehow handicapped. It was even possible for him to not remember anything at all. That was the risk with operating on the brain. In the past few days they had talked a lot. To Snow and David, to Henry and to each other. They had kept telling each other that is was going to be okay over and over again but couldn't help but feel the fear creep in when either of them was laying awake at night.

Emma was almost at 10 weeks now and looking into the mirror, lifting her shirt she could see a tini tiny baby bump appearing. The pregnancy wasn't exactly making things any easier. To be honest it made her eve more frightened. Was she going to be left alone again? Was Killian going to be forced to leave her just like everyone else in her life did?

Checking if they had packed everything one last time, Emma felt her eyes wetting. Turning away from Killian she tried to swallow a sob. She knew she had to be strong, for him, for Henry, for herself. Feeling strong arms wrapping around her body from behind, she closed her eyes. She just could never deceive him.

"It's gonna be okay, Ems." Emma heard him whisper into her ear.

Putting her hands onto his, she tilted her head, leaning back to lay it down onto his shoulder.

"I don't want to lose you." She pressed out, biting her lower lip.

"Hey.." He began, turning her around to make her look at him. "You are not. I promise."

Kissing her forehead he wrapped his arms around her again.

"We need to go." Inhaling his scent one more time, Emma released herself from his hug, a weak smile on her lips.

* * *

In the hospital, Emma walked up and down the building while they operated on him. Annoying any nurses that went by, asking for him but they always told her the same things: That she needed to wait for Whale, that they couldn't tell her anything, that she should go home and get some sleep. How on earth was she supposed to sleep while Killian was in there, while she couldn't be certain if he ever woke up again? Henry, Mary Margaret and David switched in staying with her to make sure she didn't go crazy.

Closing her eyes, Emma remembered the time after Gold had almost beaten Killian to death and she told the nurse to find a room, to hide him. There had always been this connection between them but it wasn't until they had returned from Neverland that Emma completely stood up to her feelings for him. Now she just wished she could go back to when they were happy. Putting a hand onto her belly, she exhaled loudly. Maybe this was just another stone in the way to their happy. Maybe this was just another test they had to overcome. At least that was what she hoped.

"Here, you need to eat." Emma jumped a bit, eyes shutting open when her mother stood in front of her.

"I'm not hungry." She answered dryly.

"Emma .."

She raised her eyebrows. How she hated it when her mother "Emma'd" her. Mumbling something she took the sandwich, taking a bite from it.

It was in that very moment that Emma saw Whale heading towards them. She immediately shot up from her seat, walking towards him.

"How did it go? Can I talk to him?" She noticed how she almost shouted.

"Emma .." Whale began.

"Oh my god. No!" Covering her mouth with her hand, Emma felt tears filling up her eyes and immediately her mother's hand on her shoulder.

"Stay calm. It was a very difficult operation but .. as far as we can tell he should be awake soon. We were able to remove a huge part of the tumor but he will still need chemo therapy .. I'm sorry."

Emma exhaled loudly, trying to pull herself together.

_-The operation went okay. It's a first step. Baby steps, Emma. He will be okay.-_ She told herself over and over again.

"You can see him but it will be another couple of hours until he will actually wake up. If he wakes up and has a loss of memory then don't worry too much, it will be temporary."

"Thank you, Whale."

With that she ran towards his room. Opening the door carefully, she lurked into the room. No nurse was with him so she walked towards the bed and sat down next to him. He looked so incredibly peacefully, laying there. His head was wrapped into a bandage and he looked awfully pale. Taking his hand into her hands carefully, Emma felt her eyes wetting.

"We will get through this. You're tough, I know that. I love you, I will always love you."

"I love you too, Ems."

Her look shot up to look at him. His eyes were still closed, yet his mouth formed into a smirk. Killian's eyes opened slowly, blinking a few times before he focused on her.

"You're awake? How- How are you feeling? Should I- Should I call Whale? I- How are you feeling?" Getting up from the bed, Emma hysterically walked from the bed to the window and back.

"Well, I'm not in my best form. I hope you didn't tie me to the bed again."

"Don't make jokes!" Emma squinted her eyes but eventually couldn't hold a smirk back.

"The last time you looked at me, from that ankle in the hospital, you told me you'd pick me." He had closed his eyes again.

"Yeah .. As dead guy of the year." Rolling her eyes, she sighed in relief. He seemed to be still the old Killian.

"You did pick me eventually though." The slight smile on his face grew.

"Yes I did. I would do it anytime. But .. I'm gonna go get Whale now he should make fine you are okay."

"Wait-"

"What? Killian you need to see a doc-"

"I think we will get through this." He whispered and finally opened his eyes again.

"Of course we will." Emma answered, sitting down on the bed again.

"Do you really think so?"

"Well, I have yet to see you fail." A warm smile appeared on her face.

"You are quoting me." Raising his eyebrows, Killian squinted his eyes.

"I'll be back with Whale in a minute."

With that she rushed out of the room. Concentrating on inhaling and exhaling evenly, Emma tried to picture what was ahead of them. She would have to restore the hope in him because if he gave up then the cancer would have won already. Chemo therapy. That would mean, he is going to be very weak, vulnerable, hair loss, weight loss.

Emma didn't know what the future hold for them but who did? All they could do was be a family, be strong together and try to overcome this disease.

* * *

**A/N: So here's the first real chapter of my fanfic. I just wanted to make a few things clear first. I've gotten a couple of nice reviews for the story but also a couple of confusing ones. I DO LOVE KILLIAN JONES WITH ALL MY HEART AND I DO NOT WRITE THIS FANFICTION BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO HURT HIM! I do know that cancer is a sensitive topic to write about but since my grandpa is suffering from it right now it just helps me process to write about it. **

**Again I don't write this because I want to harm or make Killian Jones suffer in ANY way. He is like one of my favorite characters ever. I hope you guys like the story though. I've been asked whether or not I plan a happy ending but I won't spoil!**

**I get the inspiration for my writing from music and while I wrote this chapter there was of course a lot of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran played. Glee, Katy Perry and, I'm not gonna lie, there was some Celine Dion involved..**

**Leave me your reviews and tell me what you think. **

**Love, **

**- Leah**


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